About Tracy

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So far Tracy has created 16 blog entries.

May 2015

Escaping the Wind

Meditation feels to me like crossing over a threshold. I step from the wind of cause and effect into shelter: The sudden quiet; a deep spontaneous breath; a sigh of relief.

When I was a little girl, and often, even as a teenager, I’d cross a similar threshold into the welcoming arms of San Francisco’s tiny chapels and magnificent churches. I felt like I was entering the secret heart of the City, its bubbling life muted by a consensual hush and the ancient comfort of jewel-stained glass. A solid wood door would whisper closed, and Life’s Sound and Light show paused for a brief intermission.

Don’t get me wrong. I love a spotlight, the roar of my team in victory and the ripe buzz of a big city. I just crave the silence too.

As church doors get locked and loud selfies with the Mother of God banish the spirits I knew, a part of me mourns their passing.

But just this morning, I remembered, again, the way to the threshold within me.

December 2014

Oh, Those Magic Doors!

We last left each other in the spring. I was on my way to Bhutan, Cambodia and Bangkok. And I know you were starring in your own adventures.

Our trip was amazing and I’ll offer more detail in future writings, but the upshot is: go, go, go! Bhutan is a particularly interesting blend of medieval, agrarian society with new cell phones, and a spanking new democracy welded to Buddhism at its very large heart. But magic doors is really my current topic, so…

Soon after I returned from Asia, I discovered I’d made a commitment to a longtime and beloved friend that meant I wasn’t going to be in town for our annual salsa competition in July. That was tough news for me to accept – and to break to Salsa Libre. Read “door closing.”

But then my decision seemed to lay out a welcome mat for inspiration, as in “door opening.” Since May, I’ve written four new tunes, a picture book (really?), and a new sci-fi short story. I’ve also decided to self publish my middle-grade novel, and I’m in talks with a brilliant artist for illustrations.

But what was my first reaction? Grumpy! So I felt ungrateful along with grouchy right up until my ever-wise friend Patsy said, “You’re not ungrateful for the gifts, you’re impatient with anything that interrupts them. This is the best ride in the creative theme park. Who wouldn’t be grumpy when they had to step off?”

So now I’m just full time grateful, and accepting the grumpy as part of the package. I’m also thankful for insightful friends and a very patient husband.

Have a great Holiday Season and a truly wonderful New Year!

Note: If you like sci-fi, check out Clarkesworld, the online sci-fi and fantasy ‘zine. Great writing, fun attitude – and they have gift subscriptions. I know my man is gonna love his.

February 2014

2014 Part 2 – “Mind the Gap”

On February 1st, two events glittered happily on my horizon. We were successfully booked to celebrate our big anniversary in Thailand, Cambodia and Bhutan. And Salsa Libre had been offered our potentially best-yet gig. Days later, the two events imploded in my calendar: The gig was scheduled for the same night as our flight for Asia.

I know it was ridiculous to feel sad. But I did. Now if this gig had been scheduled mid-trip, unfortunate, and I’d get over it. But this timing – my salsa sisters stepping on the dance floor as I stepped on the plane – this felt like a cruel joke.

Hadn’t anyone “in charge” noticed my beautiful, auspicious dream?

Happily, there was leeway with Mark and the travel company to change our tickets. If you don’t count the lack of sleep we’ll endure as a result, there are some unexpected benefits to our altered itinerary. Excellent.

Then our choreographer made an announcement: only those who passed a challenging audition would dance this performance.

I thought of my glorious dance dream. But this time a different soundtrack played in my ears. I heard the strident, mechanical voice in the London tube warning, “Mind the Gap.”

The last two weeks of heavy rehearsal, and tough critique, atop regular life and trip prep have been riddled with frustration, sleeplessness, stress and meltdowns. Oh yeah, I signed up for it. And now I’m asking for the grace to accept the best outcome for all.

Wish me luck for the audition.

2014 Part 1: The Dream

I dreamt that I was enjoying a remarkable evening with friends. The night was warm and exotic with torches and candlelight throwing shadows across the bare ground and rough table. We talked and laughed over a timeless dinner. I got up to use the women’s room. It was on my way back to the table that the miracle happened.

I walked in a wide aisle between massive crates overflowing with flawless fruit stacked higher than my head. I heard compelling Latin music. The dirt beneath my feet turned to a smooth white surface as my body began to dance. Stunned, I glanced down at my white-girl feet moving in perfection to the sultry music. Then I was dancing atop the mangoes and watermelon without missing a beat, without damage, without ever having to stop.

November 2013

And I’m Grateful

Gratitude as a daily practice has changed my life.

My blood is blessed and burdened with the poetic fatalism of the Irish, and a love of blues-based Fado from the Portuguese. Of course the Catholic Church also gifted me with Original Sin before I’d taken my first baby breath. Translation: My typical take on life is dramatic, bordering on bleak.

When negative is second nature, the challenge is discovering how to shift to positive. For me, the answer is Gratitude.

Like so much of the best in life, Gratitude takes practice – a few moments set aside each day to acknowledge the constant flow of gifts I receive: My amazing husband; friends who love and sustain me; Peach, my furry guru; that unselfconscious bird song; sweet, nourishing rain; the smile of a stranger; Thanksgiving bounty; inspiration for my next story; the chance to sing and dance; lemons bright yellow in the sunlight…

Fortunately, gratitude is addictive and can happen anywhere, at any moment.

So, Thank You.

November Lands

I savor the last days of October amidst the ghoulish chaos of fake webs, skeleton garlands and my discarded Queen of Arachnids costume.

Last weekend we attended a stunning performance of Hula, The Voice of the People at the Palace of Fine Arts. This was a feast of evocative dance against stunning multi-media backgrounds, set to music ranging from traditional Hawaiian to jazz and pop. The dedication of these volunteer dancers, and the beauty of the Hawaiian worldview continue to inspire me.

Saturday night Mark and I had great fun decorating, cooking and coming up with a Goblin Grub menu that included such delicacies as traditional Eyes of Newt (meatballs) Red Bat Wings (quesadillas) and Dragon Drool, aka hot-spiced cider.

On November 1, the winners of a local Romance Writers of America chapter contest will be announced. One of my writing group partners, Christine, is a finalist and we’re rooting for her.

November also brings Day of the Dead and All Souls Day. I embrace both traditions as a chance to honor those who have died before us, and more… As I move toward winter and my birthday on New Year’s Eve, I want to acknowledge what has been taken away and all that has – or should be laid to rest. Time to clear my heart for new possibility: deeper connections to those I love, to Spirit, to my community and the world. Time to nurture health and joy for all.

This month I’m listening to: Lisa Lindsley at Kuumbwa Jazz in Santa Cruz on Friday, Nov 9th debuting her tribute show to Blossom Dearie.

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